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50 random things

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So there is this meme going around Facebook, that everyone has been doing.  I am not going to do it on Facebook, nor am I tagging random friends.  I think you should only be tagged in a note on facebook if you are actually mentioned in that note.  Just saying.

So I am bad at these things, so dont hate.  25 50 random things about me:

Headlight Out

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So, my car headlight just went out yesterday, before my adventure to Lake Eola in Downtown Orlando. So my plan all along was to replace my headlight today not at 7 p.m. last night.  However, I knew how police worked, and I new that I had a great chance of getting pulled over.

Turns out, I was correct.  Just as we concluded our night at about 1030, after eating at Sonic, we got pulled over by Orange County police.  He pulled me over on I-drive.  Moments later, before he got to my window, another squad car showed up for backup.  So, at this point, I am in a hotel parking lot, with 2 police cars behind me with both of their squad lights on.  Talk about creating a scene.  

The officer told me he pulled me over because "you were going too fast for this road" and "your headlight is out."  Literally seconds before pulling me over, a van screamed by me at least 10-15 mph faster than me.  The officer had to have noticed, because the van just finished passing me when the police lights turned on behind me.  

So, I was profiled because we had 3 younger people in the car on I-Drive with a headlight out.  Jimmy and I had both looked at my speed, and I was actually going 35, the speed limit for that road.

The officer never told me my speed.  Nor did I get a ticket.

Podcast?

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I have been contemplating getting back into podcasting.  I was thinking the other night when I was driving home from work that I have a lot of opinions circulating in my head that I would like to get out.  I was thinking a random 10min podcast every once and a while - while I was driving home would be cool.  I would call it something lame like "the ride home."  I just have to find a good app for the iPhone that will work like I want it to... and I have to decide I actually want to do it.

Any thoughts?  I used to podcast when I was in college.  I had about 150 listeners, which isn't bad for little 'ol me.  This was right as podcasting was taking off, and I even got featured on a few popular podcasts at the time.  But, that doesnt mean I am entertaining.  Thats why if I at least just start with like a 10min version I think it would be okay.  But who knows, it probably will never happen

Figment

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Today, at around 3:30pm, Figment my cat was put to sleep.  I received the call from Figment's doctor, who was performing surgery on her to see if she had a string stuck in her intestines.  Instead, it turns out, Figment had an un-treatable un-preventable infection.  The vet told me the only option was to put her to sleep.  

We adopted Figment in February.  She was amazing.  She always knew how to make Jimmy and myself happy.  She had a special hug she liked to give us.  She would crawl up on top of you, place her paws on either side the neck, and start licking your ears.  She was the greatest cat ever, and her life was way way way too short.  I am going to miss her so much, and the apartment already feels so empty without her.  

Rest in peace Figment.  I love you.

Figment

Being more positive

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So, I have always known I say way too many negative things in life.  As much as others think I don't realize it, I do.  It's more of the fact that I cant find a way to solve it, and I don't like admitting it.  

I would like to think that inside, I am one of the nicest, most positive, and caring person on the planet.  To those who don't know me, I believe I put in much more of an effort to be positive and to be nice.  It is important to me to be as respectful as possible to those who return that favor.

One thing that often gets mistaken as being rude or otherwise non-polite, is that to my friends, I am often very blunt.  As my friend, I think you should know what I think.  Brendon (for those who don't work with me: someone at Disney), used to always come to me first back in the old days at Coaster, because I would not hold back.  I would tell him like it was, and that was what he was looking for.  Trust me, if I didn't like you (and there are very few people I don't like), I wouldn't be your friend anyway, so what I have to say wont be that bad.  Also, I don't say things to my friends that are mean, or would make them go cry in a corner... I just make sure they know the real facts of the situation.  I don't ever want to hurt someone's feelings.

Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to defend myself.  I am only trying to explain that aspect of my life because I think many people try to interpret me or "judge" without fully understanding what I am all about.

Let me preface the rest of this post saying that I am definitely my own worst critic.  I will sit and judge, contemplate, examine, and pretty much kill everything I do.  I am much better now than I was in high school or college, but I still do it.  If I can find something negative about myself, I will, and it will bug me for weeks. Lol, thats pretty much what this post is all about anyway.

My last night on Sunset, after closing Tower, I went to meet up with two friends who were at Coaster.  We had a discussion on the unload platform about the position of the train.  It was a healthy educating discussion about trains and random crap like that.  Randomly, in the middle of it, one of the managers interrupted and basically told us to shut up.  I know we all have bad days (and he had a bad day), but in my opinion that still doesn't give an excuse to treat his cast with the tone that he did.  So I calmly retorted back to what he said to us.  I left the attraction, because I did not want to say anything else in defense that might get me in trouble.  Later that night, I got a text from a friend, thinking I was mad at her.  I am fairly sure, she got that impression because a friend of hers Matthew (like the only person that reads this blog) told her that I was mad at her (or she may have made the assumption on her own).  But that wasnt the point.  I was upset because of the way a manager was treating us.

However, as I am often told, "perception is reality."  It doesn't matter what my goal was, I will still be negative, and "mad."

To my lover, Jimmy, many of my negativities stem from a self confidence issue.  I will often put myself down or say things like "you would like it better if I wasn't here anyway."  At the time, that is what is going through my head.  I say it because I want to be re-assured that I am wanted.  Instead, I get screamed at for good reason, because it is obnoxious to live with.

I am negative a lot.  I need to work on stopping that.  The problem is, I just don't know a good way to do that.  I did find a good read here, and I would like to say I will follow its advice, but I can see that sliding out of my mind fairly soon.  I don't know what to tell you, because I don't know how to fix it.  I even just used the negative word "don't" way too many times.  :)  One step at a time I guess.  Hang in there folks.

Exercise?

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Woot. 2 posts in one day.

So, I need to get the motivation to start going to our apartment complexes gym and working out.  I am getting out of shape, and it needs to stop.  I have always always wanted (don't we all?) to have the motivation to go get a great body, but never had the continuous motivation.  In college, I payed to have a membership to the school gym, and for a while, went a couple times a week.  But after a while, I stopped going.  

I have access to a small gym here at my apartment complex, and I should use it.  I just need to set a schedule to do such a thing.  I was going to go tonight, but didn't.  Big suprise.  Maybe next week.  I ordered some new pants to work out in, in hopes to encourage me to use them.  Yeah, I am thats kind of lame, but it might work for a little while.


1 Day Left

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Today is my Friday.  I have a three day weekend starting tomorrow.  However, this morning was my last morning opening with the veteran cast of Sunset boulevard.  I broke the news to them this morning while pushing water in TOTS.  They were all very nice to me, and told me I "would be statused in no time."  I will never truly know what the cast at Studios Showkeeping thought of me.  But I like to think that I at least left somewhat of a good impression by the end of my 7 months with them.  

I am so sad that my time with this team as been cut to an abrupt end.  I didn't get to know the cast as much as I wanted.  I really feel like I should have had more time.  I was at home on the Studios Showkeeping team, but now I am being told it is time to move on.

So, now I return to Sunset with a positive outlook and attitude for the future.  I begin my hunt for a new TA, and a hunt for a new park to coordinate at in the mean time, to gain exposure and experience.

Although, I am not afraid to admit: I am very sad that Saturday night, is my last night.  I am being forced to leave my home. :(

Cable and Internet Arrive

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I have cable and internet.  Its been so long.  I must get re-aquatinted with this idea before posting more...

Falcon Square at Independence

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So, I am writing this post from my iPhone because I had no Internet. Yesterday, I was told by Bright House that the building I moved into was still "under construction" and cable was not attached to the building in any way, shape, or form. So I am compleatly unattached from the world. The move itself went fine. However, the people at Falcon Square have done noting but play games with us since we first met them. Stories changed every day. I even was flat out called a liar by the apartment manager. I love the apartment, but hate the people that manage it. I would write more, but again I am typing on my iphone. More updates on the fun that is Falcon Square when I actually get Internet back.

A thinking morning

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(Nobody else has the right to say longest post ever... this post had to be continued in an extended entry)

Every so often, I wake up just thinking about life and the world.  This morning, with the wind outside and the rain and the cat sleeping on my legs, it just put me in a mood to think.

I woke up this morning thinking all about my past.  Thinking of my life up to today, it is often a wonder how I even ended up a somewhat normal person (hey, I did say somewhat).  I will admit, that I led my life every day worrying about how people view me.  How will people re-act if I say this, or if I answer the teachers question this way what will the class think of that answer.  Anything I said or did, had to be pre-decided in my head before it happened.  I would play things out in my mind to determine what the reaction would be.  I wanted to be accepted.  I never wanted my actions to alienate me from everyone else, and I was always worried it would.

A lot of this stems back to middle school.  Middle school was rough for me.  I wasn't the most made fun of kid.  I wasn't the kid people always went out of their way to make fun of at every moment (thank goodness), but I was still made fun of on what felt like a daily basis.  I felt personally like everything I did was wrong and was something for someone to say about me.  It put me into the shell I have yet to completely break out of today, and it put me into a state where I felt that I was my own worst enemy in life.  It gave me the mentality that I have to be carful what I say or do, or people wont like me.

I had a blast in High School.  I had the most fun of any of my school years in High School.  I found fun people to be friends with, and I found people who accepted me.  However, it wasn't enough to get me to be me again.


February 2009

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