The Box

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For the first time in my life I feel traped in a box.  As Americans, we are raised being told "you can do anything you put your mind to."  While we all hope that that is true, it really isnt.  Compared to a lot of other misfortunate people out there, i know I have no right to wine.  However, I still have had this feeling for a while now, that I am cramped, and stuck.  My life is trapped.

I actually blamed it on the fact that I have been sitting on my computer all the time, in the corner of my apartment.  However, I realized its about much more than that.  I feel like I am "in a box" as far as my career path (and life) is concerned.  

I am in a different environment than anywhere else in the world.  I have transitioned to a life here.  I love it.  However, I am paid crap, and I seem to be stagnate in my line of growth and development at work.  As much as I try and want to move forward, I do not.  

The system would say: transfer... it will help you get what you want.  It will open up new doors.  It is true, but what if it doesn't open enough doors?  What if I get to the point where I realize that I cannot go any farther.  I would have wasted another yeargetting adjusted to a new area.  It makes it even harder to make the decision if this wont work, and if its time to do something else.

Don't get me wrong.  I love the job.  However, the longer I am told "just keep doing what your doing, and it will happen again" the more tired I will get of my current situation.

I somewhat blame this feeling on just sitting around all the time when I am not at work.  Money is preventing me from going out and doing things every day.  But I could --and should-- start going to work-out again every day.  But its hard to get in the habit, and stay in it.  I can do it for about two weeks, then I start making excuses not to go.

I am veering off the subject, so it's probably time to stop writing.  

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May 2009

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